I have a full scholarship from the government as long as I don't fuck up utterly.
"You'd be a fool not to take advantage" is what my parents say.
Yet I feel like education isn't what I need.
I keep picturing myself in 5 years, sitting in a crowded room; sweaty palms, holding a resume full of accomplishments I never earned, and skills I never took the time to learn.
I remember when we were kids we just wanted to be free.
They told us we'd be the generation to change everything.
We turned around and spit right in their face, craving anarchy over change.
We thought we'd never be old and tired with dreams flushed down the drain.
I wish we could move to a place where no knew us, so we could live life, making our own mistakes instead of studying those made by dead men.
Both of us could fall in love, again and again, with wonderful boys who would make us laugh and cry, and cry, and cry... until we couldn't cry anymore.
Money wouldn't matter because we would be happy... or at least, we'd be living.
Living, breathing, loving, feeling; without expectations, without plans, and without fear.
More than anything I wish I could live without fear.
Maybe thats what growing up is all about.
Maybe growing up is all that I really need to do.
I really don't know anymore.
I just know that I love you Summer, and more than anything, I want us to be friends until we're old, and gray, and barely able to ask, let alone fight for what we want.
I hope we can do that somehow, even thought its entirely impractical, like most dreams.
Hopefully you haven't given up on me yet.